ross of limavady n.ireland has commited the following sin:
kidnapped an old man from st claberts

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! You must sit in Jack's chair until you are a stage 12.... Sister Mary Angelus
Stuart Donaldson of Cork has commited the following sin:
flung a sardine sandwich at one of the judges of the Lovely Girls competition

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! This is indeed a grave sin. Invite the judges out to dinner, and of course YOU must pay. Then say 10 Hail Marys... Sister Mary Angelus
Thom Thumb of Rugged Island Parochial House has commited the following sin:
taken a photo of the Holy Stone of Clonrichert and sold it for money

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! You know what you must now do with that stone... Sister Mary Angelus
Yer ma of WHo knows where? has commited the following sin:
loved horses too much. Family and friends have run away from me, my answer to everything is HORSE, PONY, HORSES, PONIES, HORSE RIDING, LETS GO HORSE RIDING, I CAN HORSE RIDE, or MEEP. Help me overcome this obsessiveness! MEEP!

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! You need to ride a few horses over fences to get this obsession out of your system... Sister Mary Angelus
John Scott of Hull has commited the following sin:
tried to have psychological experiments carried out on a co worker due to his facist tendencies.

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child, we are now all racists (this is the church's line on things), so try not to be too hard on your coworker. Sister Mary Angelus
cheryl evans of north wales has commited the following sin:
i watch father ted video's everynight at bedtime- i know most of them word for word

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! This is no sin! Nevertheless, Sing 'My Lovely Horse' 20 times. Sister Mary Angelus
Andy 'otter king' of Reading has commited the following sin:
I like cake!

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child we all like cake. And jumpers. Just remember to say your prayers as well. Sister Mary Angelus
EILEEN CONNOR of CORK has commited the following sin:
I HATE THE TED FEST MY BOYFRIEND WENT THERE AND AFTER 5 YEARS CHEATED ON ME

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! He is indeed a sinner... However there are so many blue nuns at that festival, dont be too hard on him... Sister Mary Angelus
Lovely Girl Cait of on the beginning of journey to hell has commited the following sin:
i'm really not makin this up ....I think i could possible kill for 2 tickets to Inis Mor .....god what have you lot done to me!!!!!

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! This is indeed serious...Watch the Father Ted boxset 5 times before climbing Crogh Patrick Sister Mary Angelus
Sister Mann of inside some shi*hole has commited the following sin:
I'm just making this up...HA. And there's nothin you can do to stop me. I've no sins.

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! Nonetheless, Sing 'My Lovely Horse' backwards while flogging yourself for we are ALL sinners... Sister Mary Angelus
Don Kravitz of Murfteesboro, Tn. USA has commited the following sin:
Watched my daughters Father Ted videos time after time and have shamelessly laughed until I had tears in my eyes.

YOUR PENANCE:
Oh my Child! stay away frm such filth! It is for sinners! You shall be flogged in the fashion of Matty Hesslop Himself.... Sister Mary Angelus
Pauline Muckian of Dromintee has commited the following sin:
eaten a ham sandwich on Ash Wednesday

YOUR PENANCE:
Oh my Child! As long as it was not Chris the Sheep, we shall absolve you... Sister Mary Angelus
father dick byrne of ballina has commited the following sin:
i stole dougal's lovely horse and sold it to the local chinese

YOUR PENANCE:
Oh my Child! say 10 Our Fathers backwards, nurse a sheep back to health, and sing 'My Lovely Horse' until you grow a mane... Sister Mary Angelus
Lovely Girl Cait of The Garden has commited the following sin:
Bribed people wit tea to vote for me in the lovely girl competion :-( and I LIKED IT!!!!

YOUR PENANCE:
my child it is well known that the loveliest girl will ALWAYS provide excellent tea, and maybe even forrero rocher...so you deserved to win in the opinion of The Almighty. good for you, and keep up the lovely laughs... Sister Mary Angelus
Ursula Donerty of Dublin has commited the following sin:
Played for the other team

YOUR PENANCE:
I am presuming this is the Rugged Island over 75s football team. This is indeed a grave sin my child... Sister Mary Angelus
Carolanne OGorman of Tullamore has commited the following sin:
Married my cousin

YOUR PENANCE:
as long as you have the permission of His Almighty highest Holy Gracefulest self, the Pope, then this is fine, just make sure you have plenty of good catholic children... and then say a hail Mary. Sister Mary Angelus
Sister Sarah of Dublin has commited the following sin:
I have a confession to make!! I went on a date with FR. Dick Byrne Son a few weeks agao!!! You will be glad to hear it didint work out but still I htought I should confess anyway.

YOUR PENANCE:
Ah yes, a son of a sinner is indeed a sinnr himself. The you are a sinner going on a date with a sinner, committing sin. It will take a lot of Hail Marys to get out of this one.... Sister Mary Angelus
Marc Grehan of Ruggad island has commited the following sin:
i drank an entire bottle of dreamy nighty sleppy snoozy snooze!

YOUR PENANCE:
your penance is to drink 50 cups of coffee, stay awake for a week, and say a Hail Mary... Sister Mary Angelus
Iva Brown-Stein of Effin Limerick has commited the following sin:
Forgive me Father for been so wild and sneaking off to the Dana concert when I should have been having an ould prayer for meself.

YOUR PENANCE:
Dana is the handmaiden of the lord- did she sing 'My Lovely Horse'? Sister Mary Angelus
Shauna O'Reilly of Cavan has commited the following sin:
Been drinkin like a mad ejit!!! Ah no, wait i, i, havnt

YOUR PENANCE:
well as long as you have not been roller blading, thats alright. say a hail Mary backwards. Sister Mary Angelus
Fr Dougal of Edinburgh has commited the following sin:
I have cake. If fact I just purchased 2 christmas cakes for half price. I don't have anyone encouraging me to eat them though. Should I save them for Ted Fest or eat them all in one go?

YOUR PENANCE:
Oh Child in Heaven! please save for ted fest. I have a sweet tooth Sister Mary Angelus
Mich O' Phull of Wirral has commited the following sin:
grown my hair very long. It sometimes gets trapped under my shoulders when I'm in bed.

YOUR PENANCE:
hair under your shoulders is a sign of the devil. Cut it, you hippy! Sister Mary Angelus
Declan Murphy of Cavan has commited the following sin:
Having a reoccuring dream where Mrs Doyle is dressed head to toe in leather,and she beats da f**k out of me,and i like it-is this normal Father?

YOUR PENANCE:
I assure you this is quite normal. These dreams are God's way of telling you that you must become a vegatarian. Sister Mary Angelus
E-Man of Galway has commited the following sin:
I've made a whole lot of hairy babies...now they're all after me money!

YOUR PENANCE:
Either move away or shave the whiskers.
lovely tyrone girl of tyrone has commited the following sin:
I will be unable to attend the lovely girls heat in Belfast as I am going to an S&M (singing and music) weekend in Germany - a nice german man had invited me and has promised to 'show me the ropes' - would you like me to bring you back anything father ?

YOUR PENANCE:
yes, please bring me an enormous tool to put in my box... Sister Mary Angelus
Erin (Male) Rowan of Coogee beach, Sydney, Oz has commited the following sin:
farted really loud when my girlfriend was in the bed... then when she woke up, I blamed her... I'm ashamed of my actions (well kind of!)

YOUR PENANCE:
For your penance, my son, you will sing Beth Midler's version of Wind Beneath my Wings the next time you are in a restaurant with your girlfriend and dedicate it to her. Sr A
Kirsty Singleton of Auckland, New Zealand has commited the following sin:
a morbid fear of answering the telephone...

YOUR PENANCE:
But what if God calls? Will you answer then, my child? Sr A
Adrian Taylor of Chester has commited the following sin:
Bless me father I had been a naughty boy and went with a protestant

YOUR PENANCE:
Well how far did you go my child? As Ffar as the gate or did you go the whole way into the church? Sr A
Adeline of Athlone has commited the following sin:
spemt all day at work on the internet looking for tickets and a b b for ted fest

YOUR PENANCE:
This tedfest lust is a evil thing. you clearly need to say 1,000 Hail Marys, a half an Our Father, and avoid the West for a year. Sister Mary Angelus
tommy murphy!!!! of letterkenny has commited the following sin:
been so damn good looking

YOUR PENANCE:
Your inability to spell Tommy seems penance enough for the grevious sin of harbouring good looks. Sr A
Eddie smyth of bERLIN has commited the following sin:
bless me father but i really need the tickets

YOUR PENANCE:
Oh my Child! Stop covetting your neighbours tickets! say 10 Our Fathers backwards... Sister Mary Angelus
Gregory Lynn of Millisle has commited the following sin:
too many lovely girlfriends!!

YOUR PENANCE:
Get thee to a nunnery my son!
matty of has commited the following sin:
Bless me father.I cannot get rid of these impure thoughts of Halle Berry, choc sause,4 meters of hosepipe and a 12V Car battery.. Is hell to good for me?

YOUR PENANCE:
You seem to have created your own hell, my son.
Donkey of The Farm has commited the following sin:
Bless me Father for i have been lazy

YOUR PENANCE:
stop being an ass
Sr A of Dublin has commited the following sin:
It's the blessed chocolate father. I just can't stay away. I've been having... "impure" thoughts regarding chocolate sauce and need some guidance from your good self...

YOUR PENANCE:
That is indeed a grave sin My child! For your penance you shall eat you're own weight in creme eggs in the full knowledge that the more you eat, the more you'll weigh and therefore the more you will have to eat again - you may never reach equilibrium! Ha ha ha that'll teach ya......
SisterLaura of England has commited the following sin:
I ate meat on a Friday, Father.

YOUR PENANCE:
One week of vegetarian meals for your penance my child. Sr A
Jonathan Wallace of Dublin has commited the following sin:
Instead of a mouth,i've got 4 arses. i dont know what to do to stop my destruction, and terrible gas releases on the ozone layer.

YOUR PENANCE:
Keep your lips buttoned then. God Bless, Fr Mink
Frank of Dublin has commited the following sin:
just wondering what the itinerary for tedfest '08 is. i've got three golden tickets (hallelujah), so i'd love to start planning

YOUR PENANCE:
the itinerary shall come to you from on high and land in a burning bush. You may want to bring a fire extinguisher... Sister Mary Angelus
Darren Horisk aka Fr. Chewy Lewy of Belfast has commited the following sin:
Help me Father, for I have sinned, Ive forgotten my password and username so I cant log on to the FOT website!

YOUR PENANCE:
Oh dear... Say a Hail Mary and get one of those computer games that Nicole Kidman palys to improve your memory... Sister Mary Angelus
John McDonald of Lincolnshire has commited the following sin:
Bless me father for I have sinned. I used to work with a woman who was a real snob, she insisted that her cup of tea was served in a china cup and saucer, while the rest of us used mugs. One day when she off work, I put her cup and saucer in a tub, filled it with water and froze it in the freezer. When she found it, she poured a boiling kettle of water over it and it cracked her cup. Her language would of made Father Jack blush. I laughed and said nothing...

YOUR PENANCE:
My son, you have committed no sin except to put a snobby woman in her place. You must leave the wrath and vengeance to Our Lord. As penance, I would request that you fill your house with so many porcelain dolls that your can't sleep at night or go to the toilet because they are staring at you from all sides. - Sr. Orla
emer fadden of dublin has commited the following sin:
bless me father for i have sinned it has been yrs since my last confession ... I am having awful explicit thoughts about what i would if i could get in to Fr. dougals tank top.. is that wrong

YOUR PENANCE:
Fr Dougal's tank top is a perfectly reasonable place to want to be. I would imagine it is warm, spacious and full of fluff. If you so desire I will ask the father where he purchased such a tank top and pass on the required information. I see nothing wrong in your confession. You may go now, without penance. - Sr. Orla
Weejit Parke of Dunstable ( Where Jesus was born) has commited the following sin:
T'other day i was driving me car listening to one of me favourite rock songs which is "Don't fear the Reaper" when i got stopped at traffic lights. I looked to me right to see i was stopped right outside an old folks home. The wrinklies were were looking at me in disgust so i shouted "Yes you me love he's coming for you real soon" and drove off.Am i really sinfull?

YOUR PENANCE:
You are not sinful at all, my child. However, you may have a mental defect considering you actually listen to Blue Oyster Cult for recreational purposes. I shall not distribute penance, but do advise you to see a physician and have whatever it is treated immediately. - Sr. Orla
Sharon 'Shazbags' Aherne of Birmingham has commited the following sin:
Forgive me father, for I have a terrible weakness for all the lads at work and can't help but 'shake my booty' whever they are around... have naughty thoughts about chocolate too!

YOUR PENANCE:
Chocolate is an inanimate object my child, and the book of Phospholipids 7:11 states "He who hath look'd upon that which moveth not with desires Let the wra'th and veng'th of our fath'r be bestow'd upon they" Having sex with chocolate is very wrong, and even thinking about it will enrage He the most humble. Your desire to quaver thine buttocks is perfectly rational human sin, as it is God's purpose for your kind to bear the child. However, you must remember to only do so at men you intend to marry. I say men, I mean man; as polygamy is a terrible, terrible sin committed solely by the mormon satanists. As penance, you must stand on your head up against a wall for 6 weeks* and sing happy birthday to Jesus our Lord on every religious festival occurring during that period. - Sr Orla *clergy cannot be held liable for injury or death caused by penance distributed. termsandconditionsapply
Mary Magdha of Edinburgh has commited the following sin:
forgive me father for I have sinned: Whilst on a recent holiday in the Alps, I took evil pleasure in off setting my retentive friends neatly folded shirts to a jaunty agle rather than the preferred, and more "efficient", 90 degree shelf placement. 'a ken it's wrong but it felt so good. (I also wee'd in his Schnapps.)

YOUR PENANCE:
Mary, what you did was wrong. It is a woman's responsibility to ensure that all clothes are both accessible and adequately stored. Also, the book of Haemoglobin 7:41 clearly states "If come'st he of non-male orientation Four score foot avast from the fruit of the vine He must be strik'ed down by the Lord's holy wrath For he betray'th the superior natu'r of his creat'r" You; I assume, are indeed a woman and thus have sinned greatly. You must respect the authority of the male and remain far from his worldly business. As penance, I recommend a pilgrimage to St Patrick's Hill. However; when the time comes that the holy ritual of sticks takes place, you must let them beat you. For you know you have sinned. - Sr. Orla
Brother Martin of Granthinium of Ward 6, Lincs has commited the following sin:
Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been more than 5 months since my last confession and I have had desires, yes desires about that lovely horse. I cannot, no matter how I try, remove the smell of it's hair, it's breath and most of all...Ted's hand stroking it's lovely main! I'm SO ashamed - I've turned to the drink! Drink!! DRINK!!! Oh father, what can I do? Please help

YOUR PENANCE:
My child, it is a human flaw to have sinful desires and turn to the way of Lucifer. Horses are satanic and evil animals, and because you think of them you must repent. Seeing as you have brought your sins before God, you can be absolved of these sins quite easily. As penance, I urge you sacrifice a lamb, smear its blood all over your door and then run away into the desert for 40 years. - Sr. Orla
Annie of Wolverhampton has commited the following sin:
I recently read somewhere, it might have been the Bible, or the Crochett Gazette mabye, that it was easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than it was for a rich man to go to heaven. Well, I am rich, and I can sew, but I have no camels, so whats the point in aiming for heaven if I have no access to camels in order to see if I qualify? I have decided not to bother. am I doing the right thing?

YOUR PENANCE:
No! You need to buy some camels, some needles, and bring them as close to heavan as possible, then try pushing them through. Then say a Hail Mary. Sister Mary Angelus
Gordon Miller of Motherwell, Scotland has commited the following sin:
I sang "my lovely horse" randomly to any call centre that would answer my calls after i left the pub last night. 9/10 of my calls were answered in India.

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! that is a good thing spreading the word of Ted, Nevertheless, Sing 'My Lovely Horse' again, 2,164.5 times, while taking a bath of icewater. Sister Mary Angelus
Nick of Santa Cruz, California, USofA has commited the following sin:
I'm not proud of this, but I swiped the cash from the youth center that I work at. They had a white elephant sale and the little angels really worked themselves sick making sure it went well and successfully. I worked with the darlings extensively, long hours, weekends...Yes those dear kiddies really encroached on my very state of being... I used the cash to buy some high grade weed. I assure you it was medicinal use. Preventative medicine...it keeps me from throwing the little pukes against the wall and kicking them stupid(er). Was I wrong?

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! I'm sure that money was just resting in your account...please use that weed for good, not evil... Sister Mary Angelus
Tony of Jersey Channel Islands has commited the following sin:
I should be working!

YOUR PENANCE:
Me too. Next!
Nikki of Strongfort, Craughwell,Galway. has commited the following sin:
I confess that I am doing a copy play of "A Song For Eurpoe".

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! This is no sin, but a mighty gesture of praise for the good lord. Bless you, my child... Sister Mary Angelus
Patrick Stewart of Derry has commited the following sin:
Has anyone thought to enter "My lovely horse" officially into the Eurovision?

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! That thought has crossed all our minds. However for now an obnoxious turkey will have to do... Sister Mary Angelus
musturd of rugged island has commited the following sin:
I have a most heinous sin to confess.I am ashamed to say that it was i that stole the holy stone from ted fest 07. If you want this class two relic returned you will have to solve a series of dogmatic clues each more fiendish than the last.I will post these riddles from time after a prayer at bedtime on RTE.I will provide pics of the stone to prove to the faithful that it remains inharmed for now. Till next time....Pat Musturd

YOUR PENANCE:
Pat Mustard! You're alive! Are you as sexy as ever? Sister Mary Angelus
that girl again of sussex has commited the following sin:
i check every day to see whether any of my sins have been posted as "favourites"

YOUR PENANCE:
young lady you are guilty of one of the seven deadly sins- vanity. and maybe gluttony as well, who knows. But today, you are indeed a favourite, so congratulations... Sister Mary Angelus
paul of cork has commited the following sin:
i love lovely girls

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! We ALL love lovely girls, on account of their lovely bottoms. Sister Mary Angelus
Theoderic the Backslider of Scotland (East) has commited the following sin:
For many years I have been having strange thoughts about Julie Andrews. Is she a nun or a force of dark powers? I have heard her sing like an angel but fly like a witch. What to do?

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child, you need professional help. Sing 'The Hills are Alive' 10 times and jump down a chimney dressed as Mary Poppins Sister Mary Angelus
gavgav the not really 51 male of sussex has commited the following sin:
i am addicted to confession

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! This is a good addiction...your soul must well well cleansed Sister Mary Angelus
Pari of Seventh Circle of Hell has commited the following sin:
Bless me father for I have sinned. This is my first confession, though the evil thoughts in my head are many. Lately, I want to shove some of my office colleagues off a high cliff, similar to manner of Father Jack on the Magic Road. What can I do to stop these murderous thoughts?

YOUR PENANCE:
Oh Lord Save Us, you need to touch the Holy Stone of Clonrickert and grow a beard. Sister Mary Angelus
jones the steam of north wales has commited the following sin:
I know somebody who is having an affair with two other people. Should I tell their better half?

YOUR PENANCE:
Young man follow your heart and do what you feel is right. would suggest the RTE news. Then say a Hail Mary. Sister Mary Angelus
Fr O'Jones of of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch has commited the following sin:
Last night I had an impure thought that I supported England in the rugby. As a proud Welshman am I now going to spend eternity in the lowest pits of hell?

YOUR PENANCE:
WELSH? Feckin eejits. Sinners, the lot of them. Sister Assumpta
Paul of Swindon has commited the following sin:
I broke wind on a ward round at the hospital and blamed it on a patient

YOUR PENANCE:
Feed a cow laxatives and lock yourself in the shed with it for 12 hours. Sister Assumpta
Karen Donoghue of Dublin has commited the following sin:
I'm not going to boxercise tonight, so I can go drinking. And I took the Lord's name in vain, and I was mean to my brother.

YOUR PENANCE:
Sinner, stand up really close to a full length mirror and do boxercise with yourself! That ill teach ya.....Sister Assumpta
Nolan O'Sister of UK has commited the following sin:
I've cracked my feckin arse father - Look!

YOUR PENANCE:
it looks a bit like a face. Sister Mary Angelus
LESLEY-ANN MAGUIRE of PORTAFERRY, COUNTY DOWN has commited the following sin:
As producers and distributors of FECKiN Irish Whiskey we missed Ted Fest 07 and desperately want to participate in 2008

YOUR PENANCE:
Feck! Drink! Girls! maybe 2008... Sister Mary Angelus
Sister Wendy with THE Habit of Co.Loaise has commited the following sin:
I get excited at the pictures of erotic art that I present on my tv show - will i definitely burn in hell for that?

YOUR PENANCE:
Yes! I would expect more from a Bride of Christ such as yourself- have some self control! and say 10 Our Fathers... Sister Mary Angelus
Sister Amelia Gladhoop of The far end of the Limpopo river has commited the following sin:
Father Horace Happyhole has just arrived at our missionary looking very worn out, the poor man. He is insisting that I use a bar of soap that he seems to carry everywhere with him. It's a big bar that looks like it's seen a lot of use. Would it be a sin if I shaped the soap in that special way that nuns are so good at?

YOUR PENANCE:
No, no sin at all/ I would suggest the shape of the cross, however. Sister Mary Angelus
Martin Jude Connolly of Bishopbriggs, Glasgow has commited the following sin:
As one of the original organisers of Tedfest (2002) in Bishopbriggs- I can feel only shame that the money was not available to patent the name, for surely thn our legacy would not have been forgotten.

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! That money was just resting in my account. let us pray together in the love of Ted unti our souls become one and the money returns to whatever account it came from. Sister Mary Angelus
alan of ramsey has commited the following sin:
I keep fantasising that there will be a 4th series, and i will play ted, my hair is even going silver and i could have mrs ***** doyle making me tea and sandwiches , what can i do?

YOUR PENANCE:
My Child! It is good to see you keeping the Ted spirit alive. Please start filming immediately. I will play Mrs Doyle. Sister Mary Angelus
phil of GRANTHAM ENGLAND has commited the following sin:
Bless me father for I have sinned. It`s been one month sice my last confession. I have harboured impure thoughts about sister Assumpta because she didn`t put my sins on her favourite sins page. I am such a bad boy and deserve to be punished. I am willing to fashion a blue pulley from sackcloth woven from Father Jack`s hands as my pennance......please put me on the list ..gwan gwan gwaaannn GWAAAAARRRRNNNNNN!!!

YOUR PENANCE:
Tell me more about these impure thoughts, child.... Sister Assumpta
Chris Harris of Berks (UK) has commited the following sin:
Until recently I was a Monk in a monastery but I was thrown out for having a "filthy habit"!. Will I go to hell?

YOUR PENANCE:
I find Vanish is great for getting those stubborn stains out of my veil, particularly nutella, baileys and whipped cream. Sister Assumpta
Pat Murtagh of Dublin has commited the following sin:
im in love with my girlfriend and cant get away from her

YOUR PENANCE:
Eejit. Run away - fast. Sister Assumpta
Feilim of Cork has commited the following sin:
Bless me father for I have sinned. This is the first confession of my life. Yesterday I stole a toffee apple from a young fella while he was looking the other way. Will I go to hell for this?

YOUR PENANCE:
Yes, certainly. But at least it is warm there. Sister Assumpta.
sister anne of the discombobulated of Glasgow has commited the following sin:
I confess to having improper thoughts in the Vatican.

YOUR PENANCE:
The vatican is a lovely place. Having improper thoughts anywhere is evil. Wear your underwear outside your clothes for a week. Sister Assumpta
Robin Peake of Ballynahinch, Co Down has commited the following sin:
I stole my friends car keys and hid them in my arse. He now has to use his spare keys. Sometimes when he gives me a lift somewhere, I accidentally shift in my seat and lock the car

YOUR PENANCE:
For your penance do a similiar sin but this time so he has to use his spare tyre. God Bless, Fr Mink
Farr Kinnell of The Holy Wood has commited the following sin:
I once touched Clodagh Rodgers whilst looking at a picture of myself .... or was it the other way round?

YOUR PENANCE:
Aaah the angel herself. And who could blame you Farr. For your penance three verses of Angel Wings and a Bohemian Rhapsody. God Bless, Mink
Talila of Paris has commited the following sin:
I haven't kissed a man for ages.

YOUR PENANCE:
Have you considered the sisterhood Talila? It's the new black. God bless you, Father Mink
Sabhdh of Dundalk has commited the following sin:
I'm addicted to bebo father, help me. I need absolution

YOUR PENANCE:
check out this instead: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID =138711948 Sister Assumpta
peewee stairmaster of sirrea leon has commited the following sin:
i cant stop yankin meself off round the clock. I'm even doing it now and im only sending this email. no pleasure at all! is it a curse father? maybe i should get chopped off and donate it to charity

YOUR PENANCE:
We do need items for our charity auction peewee. Keep in touch, God Bless, Mink
jimmy mulholland of windy shores of lough neagh has commited the following sin:
I kissed a beast lastnite, did they ever find that four arsed beast on Craggy Island?

YOUR PENANCE:
Turns out it was a false alarm Jimmy. Sister Assumpta was going a bit to hard on the veggie delites again! God bless, Mink
George W. Bush of Washington has commited the following sin:
well Father/sister i seem to have invaded a country and brought it to its knees... thing is it was the wrong country!! i read my notes wrong - i was meant to join forces with Iraq and invade Britain...

YOUR PENANCE:
I think you might have got away with it George. No one seems to be paying much notice anyway.... I still think you should be tied to a cow's tail and skittered to death! Fr Mink
Sister Stephenmichaelmartinjosephmulvihill of Galway has commited the following sin:
I have the face of an angel but my farts are awful smelly. Sometimes I let one off and blame my uglier friends. Please forgive me.

YOUR PENANCE:
Sister Etc, Have tried wearing damp jodphurs under the habit? Sister Assumpta swears by it as a cure. We're rarely troubled now by one of her napalm nasties. God Bless, Fr mink
Fr Trendy of Parochial house Galway has commited the following sin:
Lastnight i had a nightmare I dreamt I entered the song for europe and and bet for ted is this a sin

YOUR PENANCE:
If you did the betting with Paddy Power (who sponsor Ted Fest) that is grand. Go in Peace! Sister Assumpta
Siobhan O Shaghnaoise of London has commited the following sin:
Bless me fadder for i have thought terrible thoughts about a work colleague. I want to poison his biscuits at elevenses. I find it very hard fadder to have patience with this person and want very much to kill him.

YOUR PENANCE:
I AM A SHISTER! Shister Assumpta
Trevor Brennan of Toulouse has commited the following sin:
I recently walloped a guy with my left hand but when he turned the other cheek I forgot to wallop him with my right. I'm now tortured with guilt. Please Forgive Me!

YOUR PENANCE:
Wallop yerself with your right hand all the time for a week. Absolved! Next... Sister Assumpta
russell of ashton under lyne lancs has commited the following sin:
forgive me father for i have sinned, whilst attempting to join the brethren i completely cocked up my details! my profile should read my name is russell bennett and im an engineer!! good start eh? please don't be too harsh on my first confession. russell, a bennett from ashton under lyne

YOUR PENANCE:
I don't care, you are sinner. Ten hail mary's and 100 sit ups! Sister Assumpta
St. Paul of That London has commited the following sin:
Father, I'm back on the drink and fags and feel better for it. Is sinning so wrong?

YOUR PENANCE:
No, I like tequila and golden virginia. But you are not a saint, son. You are a sinner. Sister Assumpta
EMMET of DUBLIN has commited the following sin:
SHOUTED AT SMALL CHILD BECAUSE HE WOULDNT LET ME PLAY HIS PSP

YOUR PENANCE:
SHOUT AT SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE. SISTER ASSUMPTA
Big Cow of far away has commited the following sin:
I entered silly names onto the "Join F.O.T." page and I've just done it again and I don't even feel very sorry about it.

YOUR PENANCE:
Do it again and don't feel sorry, feel guilty. Sister Assumpta
Adrian of London has commited the following sin:
Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have often laughed along at jokes that colleagues have made at the expense of another colleague in the office. His foppish behaviour and disregard for those around him are all too often an excuse for us all to properly pish ourselves. I often have trouble sleeping because I feel so guilty.

YOUR PENANCE:
Drink lots of night nurse, that will help you sleep. Sister Assumpta
Michael of County Down has commited the following sin:
I pretended to get lost in the lingerie department.

YOUR PENANCE:
What if the wind changes? Go and get lost in a lingerie department and donate 100 euros to the local old folks home. Stop pretending, you eejit. Sister Assumpta
S Chowdhury (that's Mr) of England way has commited the following sin:
Hi, I don't believe in you type but it's fun to confess..actually..is it fun? Anyways, I went to Starbucks the other day and ordered a medium mocha without cream and paid for a small mocha without cream...I feel terrible...because I should have gone to Cafe Nero.

YOUR PENANCE:
No, Bewleys caf? actually! Sister Assumpta
kate of Oldham has commited the following sin:
I ate all the cake. i left no cake for anyone else's pleasure. I feel fat.

YOUR PENANCE:
You look fat. Sister Assumpta
Mark Thompson of London has commited the following sin:
I keep awarding myself & my executive vast pay rises/bonuses whilst being very mean to my employees in the B.B.C.

YOUR PENANCE:
Go and work for TnG for free. Sister Assumpta
Simple Simon of the fair has commited the following sin:
In Yorkshire where I live, it's acceptable, as it is in Wales, to take a sheep as a lover. Whereas in Ireland the clergy can be "really friendly" with choirboys. Which one of us is the real sinner, I'm confused? I think of Jordan as I milk my cows, as well.

YOUR PENANCE:
You should not think of countries other than Ireland when you milk cows. Sister Assumpta
Father Rico of Gloucester has commited the following sin:
I take two bottles into the shower.

YOUR PENANCE:
Take three bottles into the shower instead. Sister Assumpta
Gr?inne of At my desk has commited the following sin:
I have been verbally backstabbing someone and now feel awful.

YOUR PENANCE:
What use is guilt, son? Eat ten packets of frozen peas, only washed down with Soya Sauce. Sister Assumpta
Rob Kimber of Bristol has commited the following sin:
I've been a bit naughty Father... I keep trying to put progressive amounts of sugar in people's tea... not enough to notice the taste, but just enough for them to be eating the sugar.... I dont think i can stop!

YOUR PENANCE:
Swop the sugar for arsenic. Sister Assumpta
Ding Dong Denny O' Reilly of Dublin has commited the following sin:
Bless me Father for what I've done, I did a dirty big sh*te in front of a nun, I p*ssed on a penguin in the Dublin zoo, stuck a rasher up the ar*e of a kangaroo, I'd impure thoughts about Tony Blair & I spit on a baby at the county fair, I took ten bob from the chapel plate & spent it on the brassers at St James Gate, So bless me Father for what I've done........

YOUR PENANCE:
You are a sinner, you?re a minger, keep rhymein and slimein but don?t give up your day job! Sister Assumpta
Eamonn Casey of Ireland has commited the following sin:
I can't stop getting up the crack of dawn

YOUR PENANCE:
That?s what happens when you eat too much forbidden fruit. Eat more carbohydrates. Sister Assumpta
Charles Amey of Rocky Mount, NC, USA has commited the following sin:
Bless me Father, for I have always been a Protestant. Who loves the Irish, and all the craic! Will God ever cut me some slack?

YOUR PENANCE:
Cut yourself some slack, in fact cut all the elastic in your underpants. Things will feel slacker in general. Sister Assumpta
anonymous girl of sussex has commited the following sin:
i own several pairs of WOMANS KNICKERRRRRS

YOUR PENANCE:
Cut all of the elastic out of the knickers and crochet yourself a hat from it. Wear the hat to mass on Sunday. Sister Assumpta
Nik Warrensson of Auckland, New Zealand has commited the following sin:
Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been 21 years since my last confession. I have had impure thoughts Father.

YOUR PENANCE:
Go to confession more regularly and eat more All Bran. Sister Assumpta
Fr. O'Crimes of Ossett has commited the following sin:
I have been having impure thoughts about Kylie's rear. I also shot Kenedy, but that was a long time ago, does that count?

YOUR PENANCE:
Lock yourself in your bedroom for a week. Watch Neighbours all the time and listen to the Locomotion by Kylie. You will slowly feel suicidal. Sister Assumpta
Nicky of Barnsley, Uk has commited the following sin:
I've been having really dirty thoughts father.... Sorry

YOUR PENANCE:
I need to know more before I can absolve you. Sister Assumpta
Siobh of Dublin has commited the following sin:
I killed kenny

YOUR PENANCE:
And I shot the sheriff. Sister Assumpta
Big D of Scotland has commited the following sin:
As a teacher I offended a pupil but repeatedly calling her 'ginger' (in tribute to her hair colour) while refering to her boyfriend as Michael Jackson, singing Bad and moon walking around the class. I repent!

YOUR PENANCE:
Children need discipline. Smack them regularly and make them go to mass. Sister Assumpta
John Malley of Glasgow Central has commited the following sin:
when I was 10 I stole ma wee sisters piggy bank

YOUR PENANCE:
Eat 165 raw rashers whilst only drinking buckfast to wash them down. Sister Assumpta
tony of bedroom has commited the following sin:
farting in chapple

YOUR PENANCE:
Share the love through sound. Next time you feel one brewing, hold a megaphone to your arshe! Sister Assumpta
Brosna O Donovan of belfast has commited the following sin:
dear father, it has been 10 years since my last confession, forgive me because i have sinned, there's probably too muh to go through in the 10years i haev missed so maybe if you throw me a lock of hail mary's , i can say my penace and rejoice. thank you Father, Brosna.

YOUR PENANCE:
Swop your hair brush for a toilet brush for a week and use your hair brush to manually clean your panties. Lovely. Sister Assumpta
Gezza of Dundalk has commited the following sin:
Took the lord's name in vain twice and kicked my dog.

YOUR PENANCE:
Go to nearest dog pound, get naked and lie naked and spread dog food all over yourself. You should never hurt animals unless you are happy being licked by them. Sister Assumpta
Naomi & Jo of Weston-super-Mare has commited the following sin:
We have spent too much time surfing the internet looking at Friends of Ted Website. We are worried 1. Will we be fired for doing no work - should we confess to our boss or 2. should we carry on looking and lie when he asks what we've been doing?

YOUR PENANCE:
Show your boss the web site and he will be hooked too. Problem solved in the holiest way. Sister Assumpta
Sharon of Clare has commited the following sin:
I lied to my mother and didnt go to mass

YOUR PENANCE:
? Use matchsticks with superglue to prop open your eyes for the next week. Sister Assumpta.
barry of Dublin has commited the following sin:
Drinking

YOUR PENANCE:
It makes you more holy to have brandy in your tea throughout the day. Sister Assumpta
sarah of dublin has commited the following sin:
i kicked my boss up the arse

YOUR PENANCE:
As long as he was leant over a table in the office, that was grand. Sister Assumpta
James Brown (Professor) of Norwich, England has commited the following sin:
1. I am having a good laugh reading your website instead of reading my student's Ph.D. thesis. 2. I am pretending to my student that I actually understand the maths in his thesis. Forgive me...

YOUR PENANCE:
Honesty at last! I knew all ye Mathematicians were having a laugh and pretending to understand stuff. You cannot use a calculator for a month, only an abacus! Sister Assumpta
Jo of milton keynes has commited the following sin:
I have impure thoughts, several times. No make that hundreds of times. I have been greedy, i have coveted my neighbour's cash, oh, and i killed a guy.

YOUR PENANCE:
Son, write down your thoughts and count them properly ? be exact, I do not like un-numerical people. Say a Hail Mary backwards. Sister Assumpta
CARLY of WEST BROMWICH has commited the following sin:
i have lustful thoughts about father dougal

YOUR PENANCE:
Naughty girl! Father Dougall only has eyes for Sister Assumpta. I let him call me Umpta. He is mine. Try and ease your guilt by painting your face with tipp-ex. Sister Assumpta
Ross of Lonon has commited the following sin:
I have just eaten a sausage roll. I made a New Years resolution not too for the whole of January, but I was weak.

YOUR PENANCE:
Weak, naughty and na?ve. Go to a butchers and place your mouth under the tube that comes out of the sausage machine. Open and swallow. Sister Assumpta
Shameful STEVE of Athlone (home of those feckin greeks) has commited the following sin:
Oh Father I need to be absolved of my numerous and most henious sins. Here goes then: Went to a house party and got sick in a drawer in one of the bedrooms Ran out of tea-bags so made everyone Bovril instead and loaded it with milk and sugar Stole housemates duvets in the middle of winter and no central heating Re-enacted the movie "SE7EN" using earthworms Watched an episode of Fair City...*by choice* So there you go Fr. please be gentle.

YOUR PENANCE:
FAIR CITY! Sinner. Lie still under a large truck and let it roll over you. Do not move until you have tyre burns. Sister Assumpta
Joan O Shea of Kerry has commited the following sin:
im hooked on fr ted i ave been denyin my religous duties! im very sorry lord!! plz 4give me!

YOUR PENANCE:
Tell all your friends about your obsession then, child, you are forgiven. Sister Assumpta
tony of hell has commited the following sin:
I cannot saying feck

YOUR PENANCE:
Sacreligious! Keep practicing. Ask and ye shall receive. Sister Assumpta
Jonathan Dixon of Rotherham UK has commited the following sin:
I'm having murderous thoughts about my boss

YOUR PENANCE:
Thoughts are only bad, if they are about sex. Your grand so. Sister Assumpta
David of Belfast has commited the following sin:
I collect dog poo.

YOUR PENANCE:
No harm. I collect belly button fluff. Sister Assumpta
Anna of Sussex has commited the following sin:
As I was doing the washing up I noticed the face of Mrs Doyle had appeared in the tea leaves, but it was too late and the suds were on her.

YOUR PENANCE:
Drink four gallons of tea over the next week. Every time you go to the toilet say a rosary. This should help. Sister Assumpta
Natalia of Moscow has commited the following sin:
Bless me father for I have sinned... my hands have...

YOUR PENANCE:
....been attached to the end of your arms since you were born. Thank the lord! Sister Assumpta
brian saintly but slightly odd keenan of Glasgow Central has commited the following sin:
i look up old ladies skirts

YOUR PENANCE:
Go to mass every day this week, wear a Santa Hat and sit in the front row. Stay on your knees for the whole time during mass. Sister Assumpta
JK of kingswinford has commited the following sin:
father, i found out about the friends of ted festival too late and it was sold out, forgive me but I WILL be there next year.

YOUR PENANCE:
God bless you Son. Say ten Hail Mary's just in Casey, though.... Sister Assumpta
Linda of Soil Association has commited the following sin:
I am the only one in my office today as everyone else has gone to the conference. I am sat here doing as little as possible! Is that wrong of me

YOUR PENANCE:
only if you get caught! Sister Assumpta
Sister S. Brophy of dundalk has commited the following sin:
I have been canoodling with a tax man in Dublin. He only wants me as his ''bit of fluff''. I constantly want to sin with him.

YOUR PENANCE:
I once knew a tax man from Clontarf, he was very shexy?.. Anyway, nothing wrong with constantly wanted to sin, child. It is acting on these urges that is wanton and satan-like. Have a cold shower, that lasts for 12 hours. That should help cleanse you! Sister Assumpta
Dave of Australia has commited the following sin:
I accidently enjoyed "My Hero" like

YOUR PENANCE:
Like what?!! Learn to confess clearly and accurately, like any other good sinner! Sister Assumpta
Kevin of Test Confession has commited the following sin:
I think email systems are crap.

YOUR PENANCE:
Personally, I am not a fan of MS-Dos or databases, but there is not need for the use of the word crap! Do 500 sit-ups wearing only a black bin bag. At the end of that, you should feel like crap! Sister Assumpta
Oona of Dublin has commited the following sin:
I forgot to be good

YOUR PENANCE:
Forgot! Forgot! That is not good enough. You must remember to be good. Write this 100 times in a jotter, using candle wax. Sister Assumpta
gary nolan of dublin has commited the following sin:
i dont think ive seen all episodes of father ted?!!!!

YOUR PENANCE:
You are a evil lad and a loser! Find a very long busy street with lots of cars, roll over all the bonnets of the cars in James Bond fashion. You may get dizzy and fall over, ending up playing with traffic. Tough. Sister Assumpta
joe donnelly of dublin has commited the following sin:
I once stole a pair of underpants from dunnes stores.

YOUR PENANCE:
Naughty sinner boy! Wear said underpants on your head for a week. Sister Assumpta.
Gerald McGauley of Walkinstown has commited the following sin:
I drink too much father!!!

YOUR PENANCE:
Sure there is nothing wrong with a dash of brandy in your tea a few times a day, for medicinal purposes, of course. And it is SISTER!! Sister Assumpta
father squelch of dublin has commited the following sin:
i missed my 2nd year priest exams and went to the pub and got drunk with a load of sinners

YOUR PENANCE:
Father Squelch! You were obviously possessed by a foreign demon. Call on that demon to help you break into the exam office and complete an exam. Make sure ye make a few mistakes on the questions now. No harm done. Sister Assumpta.
Cillian Foster of Dublin has commited the following sin:
i confess that i have commited a deadly crime....I went cow tipping and pushed over several cows

YOUR PENANCE:
Brother Cillian, in many countries the Cow is a holy animal - but not in Ireland. You are a naughty lad. For your penance, go to the grocery aisle of your local Dunnes and find the milk section. Sit on the floor and drink as much dairy til you vomit and throw up. You will feel like cow pat for a couple of days, but grand after that. No need to thank me. You will be absolved. Sister Assumpta.
lindsey o connor of ballyshanmoranabearraskully has commited the following sin:
i pised my pants last night

YOUR PENANCE:
Was that before or after you took your Join FoT photo, lindsey? You must meet my mother sometime. God Bless, Mink
celene of athlone has commited the following sin:
i didnt turn off the telly after i was finished and so wasted 55 units of gas...even tho i run the electricity of the gas and the gas of the electricity!!!

YOUR PENANCE:
Disgusting, given the worlds shortage of resources. Wrap your self in 33 sets of Fairy Lights and head to the nearest shopping centre. Plug yourself in and glow. Sister Assumpta.
Darren Leydon of west cork has commited the following sin:
i think you should give yourself penance fr mink for not knowing who ole gunnar solsjaer the LEGEND of man united is . He scored winning goal in 1999 champion league final and he is still playing and scoring . I guess no sky sports in the parochial house!!!!! 2 decades of the rosary for you if i had the power to give it to you !!!! hehehe

YOUR PENANCE:
No. Still not ringing any bells. He's a soldier you say?
John Mulligan of Castlebar has commited the following sin:
Im mad cause I cannot go to tedfest cause i have to work!!!

YOUR PENANCE:
What you want to do that weekend John is get a hurley and a camping matress. Roll up the matress and tie it together. Stick a picture of Dick Byrne on it. Then LATHER SHITE OUT OF IT!!! That way you can release the anger in a positive way and be with us in spirit. God Bless, Fr mink
Wesley Gavin of Galway but from the back o' beyonds(MAYO) has commited the following sin:
i told lies, I cursed and I was the one that stole the church collection money.Forgive me if u can find it in your heart.

YOUR PENANCE:
Just as a matter of interest....how much did you get?
girl from carlow nos who i am of galway has commited the following sin:
i spelt aimies name wrong i spelt it (amy instead of aimie) FORGIVE ME FATHER

YOUR PENANCE:
ShAIMIE on you! bless, Mink
carlow girl of carlow town has commited the following sin:
i told my friend she was a good for nothing little upstart with the intelligence of a mucky shoe for not knowing who solskjaer was,because him being a legend and all i felt it was nothing short of blasphemy.forgive me father!

YOUR PENANCE:
No....still don't know who he is either. God forgives you, Fr Mink
Fr Fish of faroe Isles has commited the following sin:
I PURCHAST TWO TICKETS ROR TED FEST ON ISLE INNISHMORE. PLEASE FORGIVE US FATHER.

YOUR PENANCE:
The suffering is all ahead of you, Fish. Mink
Eileen of Cork has commited the following sin:
Gave my boss the two fingers behind his back because he's blocked this site access during working hours.

YOUR PENANCE:
Good girl yourself Eileen. Next give him the fingers to his face. Stick them right up his nose then swing him round the office till he learns decent manners. God bless, Fr mink.
Orla and Ruth Murphy of CO Louth has commited the following sin:
well where do we start one night when the two of us were on our way home from ....mass in a taxi, after saying too many prayers we decided to have a boxing match in the back of the taxi. there was blood and hair flying we ask your forgiveness

YOUR PENANCE:
Yes its all too easy to go overboard with the prayers after a good mass. For your penance now you can go without mass for Lent. God bless, Fr Mink
yvonne of castleblayney has commited the following sin:
I ate my husband's lunch!

YOUR PENANCE:
You sound proud of it too! I hope it was nice. God bless, Fr Mink
Chris of Galway has commited the following sin:
Forgive me father web master for i have sinned.... i just found out that the tedfest is sold out.... so i said a series of faul words...

YOUR PENANCE:
You don't need to say anymore Chris. I've already heard a few choice phrases on the subject myself too. Lets pray that next year we work out some way getting more people out to the island. God bless us all, Fr Mink
Colette Nolan of carlow has commited the following sin:
I had impure taughts about Daniel Craig....

YOUR PENANCE:
Do you not think he has a face like a flannel?
pauric of castleblayney has commited the following sin:
I still sleep between mam and dad sometimes!

YOUR PENANCE:
Not knowing your age Pauric it's difficult to know what to say to you. It varies of course from house to house. I can only speak for my own family and I think we turned out well. I still remember the games of snakes and ladders and ludo with my brothers and sisters under the sheets! A good rule of thumb though is be out of there by the age of consent. You're only getting in the way after that. God Bless you now, Fr Mink
gavin of Dublin has commited the following sin:
i did a poo and didn't wipe my ass

YOUR PENANCE:
Nettles! Next! Mink
Jemima Nilan of Co.Clare has commited the following sin:
bless me father for I have sinned, it's been a few hours since my f.ted hit and ...forget it..FORGET IT!!!!!

YOUR PENANCE:
You get them all in here... Bless us all, Fr Mink
Darren Leydon of west cork has commited the following sin:
i have been a very bold boy i peeed on the outside of a pub last week. i have being saying the word fuck too much( as in every second sentence out of my mouth ). i ran over a rabbit on the way to work . i swerved to make sure i got the bastard ! I was drunk and abusive most evenings over christmas and the new year and i was so drunk christmas morning i missed mass !!!!I only watched my father ted trilogy dvd set only once at christmas .for this sin i am sorry the most and i apologize humbly!!

YOUR PENANCE:
God forgives you Darren - your repentence shines through. (You might go easy on the rabbits though) Fr Mink
carlow girl of 3rd floor library third from the right has commited the following sin:
i did not know who ole gunnar solskjaer is.

YOUR PENANCE:
Is it not a drink or something?
adam brown of yemen has commited the following sin:
back in the convent i used to tease fr ted crilly about his downy fluff

YOUR PENANCE:
And I bet you thought you were soooooooo clever with your teasing. Adam, meet Maurice the sinner below you. He likes jam. A little too much he says. Bring two great big jars of mixed fruit when when you meet him. You can decide between you whether you'll be eating or wearing your penance. Your choice clever clogs. G'bless, Fr Mink
maurice of monaghan has commited the following sin:
I like jam.....A little too much......if youknow what i mean!

YOUR PENANCE:
Maurice you're to bring two nice big fluffy downy pillows and meet with Adam Brown the sinner above you. You'll work out the rest yourselves. God Bless, Fr Mink
Clare Connolly of sweet loughgiel has commited the following sin:
well i might have accidently sacked an employee due to their "poor quality of work" when in truth..it was the fact she really annoyed me by grinding her teeth when she was stressed and that her perfume brought me out in a rash!! im truely sorry though..

YOUR PENANCE:
Tomorrow morning at work - 10 cotton wool balls in the left side of your mouth and 23 on the right side. Followed by a splash of her perfume in that little spot in the middle of your back that you can never scratch you matter how hard you try. No scratching - till you swallow all the cotton wool balls. God bless you, Mink
Della of Dublin has commited the following sin:
i stole all the milk in my house

YOUR PENANCE:
Dry cornflakes and black tea for a month you girl! There's no excuse for that, at all. Grrrrr, God bless you, Fr Mink
Jonathan Kelly of Cork has commited the following sin:
It was my shoddy workmanship that led to a young boy and a nurse getting stuck in the tunnel of goats. I'm so sorry!!!!

YOUR PENANCE:
And you were long enough about owning up to too, you pup! They've only just got out....nine years on! Her demented and gibbering. And the 'boy', now a goat-man, has island driven mad butting farmers and eating washing off the lines. Whatever town you are in this saturday afternoon Jonathan, you must stand in the middle of the shopping street and shout 3 times "I AM THE SHODDY WORKMAN OF CRAGGY ISLAND AND I ASK FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS". Let me know how you get on. God Bless, Father Mink
Louise of Kildare has commited the following sin:
I have impure thoughts!!

YOUR PENANCE:
God there seem to be a lot of these 'impure thoughts' about! But do ye mean when ye say that? Give me MORE!!!! God bless you, Fr Mink
William English of Carhue, Annacarty, Tipperary has commited the following sin:
Fanatical Alchoholism, Speed Dating without parental consent, Urinating in the church collection basket.

YOUR PENANCE:
William, you're to come out to Aran on Feb 23rd to get straightened out. We'll show you resposible drinking and sensible speed dating. Then you're to be publicly water bombed for urinating in the collection basket. Be there. No excuses. You're almost forgiven, Fr Mink
marty of istanbul has commited the following sin:
hello Father, Once upon a time i went and touched a goat... i feel so ashamed... Can God ever forgive me?

YOUR PENANCE:
Hello Marty, God'll forgive anything. It was a catholic goat we're talking about right? God bless, Fr Mink
Michael of Dublin 8 has commited the following sin:
I interfered with myself at work.

YOUR PENANCE:
As long you're happy in your work Michael thats the main thing. You don't work with sandpaper do you? Bless you, Fr Mink
Seamus Humphreys of Limerick has commited the following sin:
Bless me your Lordship for i stole the keys to my daddys donkey so i could go to the Cappamore lovely girls contest but on the way home i carshed the donkey into a ditch and later lied about it to the midgets that live in my sock. Im ever so sorry

YOUR PENANCE:
What are we going to do with you at all Seamus? First of all you must apologise to those little sock dwellers. Life must be hard enough down there without your fibbery. Have the donkey rebalanced immediately for fear there might be a wobble and your poor father will suffer more. For your penance take the donkey to the Bailebulladh pony fair, have the midgets aired and stretched and tell your daddy you love him. God bless now, Fr Mink
Maria of Dublin has commited the following sin:
I've been having impure thoughts. Lots.

YOUR PENANCE:
Out the door Maria and once round the garden when these thoughts crop up. If there's no garden to hand, a few flights of stairs will do. But the crucial thing is to picture a car crash while you do it. The great thing about this cure is that you can increase the garden & stair excercise and the gruesomeness of the car crash to suit the impure thought. It works. God bless you, Fr Mink
Will Bradley of Quinn Direct has commited the following sin:
Futtering young men in the Quinn Direct showers.

YOUR PENANCE:
'Futtering', that's a great word isn't it? It sort of ryhmes with muttering and buttering. Whatever it is anyway if its annoying the boys down the showers at Quinn Direct, I'm sure they'd sort you out with a quick flick with a damp towel. That what the boys at the seminary in St Colm's used to do anyway! So don't worry yourself unduly, Will. Get out there and enjoy life I say. Won't there be enough time for worrying when you're dead! God bless, Fr Mink
john of swords has commited the following sin:
bestiality

YOUR PENANCE:
I know John we all loved and miss George Best. Try not to confuse him with God. Bless you, Fr Mink
Seamus Corcoran of Longford has commited the following sin:
i stole a car!!

YOUR PENANCE:
What make? Mink
Maria of Kilkenny has commited the following sin:
Sometimes.. at night.. I sneek a peek..

YOUR PENANCE:
Naughty girl! wear a blindfold made of plaster of paris round for the next week. Sister Assumpta.
Conor White of Doon, county Limerick has commited the following sin:
bless me father for i have sinned. ive been impersonating a doctor just so i can get a little money to feed my ink addiction. i cant get enough of the stuff! red,blue,green,black i just love the way it melts and mmmm.....oh! ya ...anyway ive been giving out household chemicels in small glass bottles as "medicine" anyhoo..... a few people have aledgedly died after taking my "medicine"and i was hopeing you could say it was o.k. for me to do this.????

YOUR PENANCE:
No it is not alright! And it is Sister not Father! Go a local school. Find a classroom full of kids. Sit there while they all scrape their nails down the chalk board. You MAY NOT cover your ears. Sister Assumpta.
rory of galway has commited the following sin:
i stole a cake

YOUR PENANCE:
Cover yourself in jam and go to the local bee hive farm. Sister Assumpta
Noel McCann of cloughmills, Co. Antrim has commited the following sin:
Last, me & a friend of my mine got involved in a series of funny pranks on a little ugly girl who works in our office, like ringing her dad & telling her he got nominated for Father of the Year & could he come to Dublin for a photoshoot.Also setting up a wedding list in Debenhams for her & a boy she was seeing.Also sent her to a christian prayer meeting but told her it was a cake & bun sale

YOUR PENANCE:
So you like shopping do you, young man? And lying to people, you little maggot! Anyway, that is not very nice of you, is it? baste yourself in turkey fat and head to the nearest Pet World. Roll around on the ground making Chicken Noises. Some of your guilt may be eased. Sister Assumpta
Ronan Kearney of Cushendall, County Antrim has commited the following sin:
Bless me father for i have sinned it has been 9 dog years since my last confession.. About 3 years ago i told my likable but very gullable friend, Noel, that Ray Meagher, who acts Alf Stewart in the ozzy television program Home&away, was my uncle! It started off as a joke but the more&more i lied to him, the more & more he believed me..anyway its now got to the stage where Noel just happens to be going to Australia at the end of jan 07 and is wanting to visit the set of home&away and has asked me to arrange a meet with "my uncle" Ray meagher!! im currently considering setting up a fake "meet" and then tell him uncle Ray is very unreliable??

YOUR PENANCE:
G?day sonny. To absolve yourself, I reckon you should dress in Board Shorts with bright sun screen on your nose, now go to the nearest public library, carrying a surf board and find a TV. Stand on you board, simulating surfing and watch 10 Home and Away episodes back to back. Stop telling lies! Sister Assumpta
Fritz Lydon of Galway has commited the following sin:
Father, I killed a man. I shot him down in Reno just to watch him die. I took all of his money and it was a pretty penny & I brought it home to Molly because Billy Jean is not my lover. Can't stop till I get enough. You give me fever, Fritz

YOUR PENANCE:
You are a disgrace, Fritz. So you like America, Michael Jackson and getting hot, do you? To ease your guilt, go to McDonalds dressed only in a Pampers Maxi Nappy (with chilli sauce smeared inside) and request 10 Kiddies Happy Meals. Sit on Ronald McDonalds lap and eat all the Happy Meals. Sister Assumpta
Sharon O'Donoghue of Dublin has commited the following sin:
I fancy Dougal!

YOUR PENANCE:
Get your hands off him, you naughty girl! Child you need to scrub your body to cleanse your soul. Find the nearest slurry pit and have a good roll around. Then scrub yourself using Jif and a toilet brush, that may ease your guilt, my dear. Sister Assumpta
marianna of ireland has commited the following sin:
i teased two sheep, and god forbid deliberately!!! started a fight with a banana tree.

YOUR PENANCE:
Oh dear! Collect banana skins for two weeks. Then go to your nearest butcher and purchase some sheeps stomachs. Stuff the stomach with the rotten banana skins. Use as a pillow for a month. Go in Peace. Sister Assumpta.
Michael J O'Connell of Dublin, has commited the following sin:
bless me father for i have sinned, it's a long long time since my last confession . I've been very bad.

YOUR PENANCE:
NOT BAD ENOUGH. GET OUT!! NEXT MINK
kieran of sydney has commited the following sin:
bless me father for i have sinned, it's a long long time since my last confession . I've been very bad.

YOUR PENANCE:
Shame on you son! Drink cold gravy from a plant pot and scrape your nails down a blackboard thirty three times. Only then shall be absolved of your guilt. Sister Assumpta.
turreima of liverpool has commited the following sin:
Bless me father for I have sinned... I saw a woman in the nip! I also ate jam straight from the jar... With a SPOON!

YOUR PENANCE:
Well my child, you need to get naked yourself and sit in a public place, somewhere like the stands of a Cricket match. Since you like sugar so much, you can use some sugary donuts to cover your privates. Mind you, no licking! Sister Assumpta
Lumpy Holland of Gort has commited the following sin:
I told lies, I cursed. I stole money from my mother's purse.

YOUR PENANCE:
Boring. Next! Mink
Rather stay anonymous if you don't mind of UK has commited the following sin:
I exchanged the instant coffee for gravy granules at my Grandmother's Nursing home one day last month.

YOUR PENANCE:
What Guilt! Go to a public toilet, enter one of the cubicles and sit on the cold floor. Eat three packets of cream crackers within 5 minutes, no liquids allowed! Sister Assumpta.
Steve of South-east of Cork has commited the following sin:
I drove a little too fast on the M6, M5, M50, A49 and M4 and scared my elderly passenger

YOUR PENANCE:
You naughty boy. Walk up Croagh Patrick next week wearing ladies thong knickers and high heels. Sister Assumpta
Sara of School at the moment has commited the following sin:
I must confess to playing on the Friends of Ted site, whilst I should have been educating the Children of South Wales..... well, they were quiet and getting on with it!

YOUR PENANCE:
I am sure you feel guilty, Sister. To relieve your guilt, collect your own belly button fluff for a month. Then stuff it down your bras-erie during a day of classes. Go in Peace.
Father James Hendrix of wabasha Caves - Ireland has commited the following sin:
I add extra sugar lumps to Mrs O'brians tea to try and pork her up a bit. I watch X Factor.

YOUR PENANCE:
You remind of myself when I was your age. Promise to be good now and get on your way. Bless you boy, Fr Mink